Fixed Mindset: What it means in my life
“My brother’s artistic, and I’m not…”
My brother is really artistic and creative. He was ALWAYS drawing, playing music and building stuff when we were kids. I was so jealous of his ability to create stuff, and draw stuff that LOOKED like the subject!
I always said that we were standing in different queues when we were collecting ‘talents’ before we were born. He stood in all the creative queues, and I stood in the Accounting queues. And that’s how I saw it. He could draw because he was talented, and I couldn’t, because I wasn’t.
I never tried to draw, because I knew that I couldn’t.
It GENUINELY never occurred to me that the REASON he was able to draw was because he was ALWAYS doing it! All the drafts, and attempts that he drew to start with as he was learning something did NOT REGISTER for me. If someone had told me that I might be able to draw equally well if I practiced everyday, I’m not sure I would’ve understood the concept, and I definitely would’ve found some way to argue the point so I wouldn’t have to ‘prove’ or attempt it.
It was only a while after I discovered the Mindset concept that I turned my thoughts to this ‘creative’ topic, and because I’ve always wanted to draw, I started thinking about it.
With a different perspective, the reality that the only thing standing between me and the ability to draw was practice, was insanely breathtaking. It was so OBVIOUS! How could I not have seen this?
The fact that this was something I wanted, and yet couldn't see the connection between effort and outcome, is a really good indication of the insidiousness of this mindset.
What I'll cover in this article:
Mindsets - Introduction
The ‘Fixed vs Growth Mindset’ concept has been really topical over the last few years for parents, schools, and increasingly, in professional environments. It comes from studies done by Dr Carol Dweck, and book she wrote on the topic.
There are a lot of explanations, discussions around this, but I found that a lot of them don’t really explore the implications of this in someone’s life, not to mention the identification of it. It’s really easy to summarise a challenge in a sentence, “You’d rather not try, than try and fail”. SO easy to say, but what does that MEAN in someone’s life? How does that actually impact someone’s life?
This is far more insidious than people realise. This is not a CONSCIOUS thought. You don’t consciously CHOOSE your mindset. Your brain doesn’t send you a memo articulating how and why it makes the decisions it does. This is why a lot of people don’t realise they struggle with this. The only way you recognise it is by looking at the patterns of your decisions and honestly interrogating the reasons behind them. This is tougher than it seems, because your first instinct as a Fixed’er is to deny weakness, or not acknowledge it. There are LOADS of great justifications for every decision we’ve ever made. But we have to really open up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
I discovered this in 2014, and it was really life-changing for me. The book felt like a textbook explaining my fears, challenges, approach to life, and how I make decisions. I had NO idea there was an underlying concept behind my decisionmaking. We make decisions, do things, don’t do things, but we don’t interrogate WHY we do, or don’t do everything. Reading this was like unpacking the reasons behind WHY I do what I do.
What is a Fixed Mindset?
Here’s a really simple video explaining the basics behind the two mindsets:
Here are some basic traits of the Fixed mindset:
- “I am smart, or I am not smart” – An inability to recognise the potential for growth, progress and improvement. You either can do something, or you can’t.
- “It’s really important to be smart” – An avoidance of situations that challenge ‘smartness’, or might show up weaknesses
- “The result is more important than the process” – Higher value placed on the ‘answer’ than the journey
- “If I’m smart, I should get stuff right first time, every time” – Learning is seen as a ‘switch’, rather than a journey
What has this meant in my life?
So many people I coach struggle with similar challenges, and don’t see the connection between their decisions, life approaches and their mindset. This is why I’m sharing this.
This doesn’t just affect studying. It affects EVERY part of life
The first thing you connect this with is how this mindset will affect studying. This isn’t the only place we want to ‘look smart’. ANY facet of life that we feel we can be judged, criticised, or ‘fail’ at, is at risk.
This means hobbies, art, sport, social activities, work and relationships. If we feel that there’s a possibility that we might not be ‘good’ at something, we’ll avoid it, because we don’t want people to think we’re not smart, or good at stuff.
I have refused to do social activities that may seem completely innocuous and ‘fun’, because I’m so anxious about ‘not getting it right’ and looking stupid. Beach volleyball with friends, paintball, go-kart racing, social art classes.
Entrepreneurship has been pretty traumatic
This a really honest one. For a bunch of reasons, and following a bunch of decisions and life events, I find myself an entrepreneur. I was VERY explicitly against this for myself. I always said that I would NEVER work for myself. I never wanted the responsibility of paying my own salary.
Everything about being an entrepreneur pushes your vulnerable buttons as a Fixed’er. Everyday, you’re doing things you’ve never done before, so you don’t know if you’ll be good at them. You need to build skills you never knew or learnt about, you get constantly rejected, and you have NO idea what tomorrow will look like.
I have to constantly assess what I’m doing, what I’m avoiding, and why. Am I avoiding doing ‘sales’ stuff because I’m not a ‘natural salesperson’? Am I focussing on building the product to the exclusion of all else, because that’s where I feel more comfortable with my expertise? Am I procrastinating on marketing because I need to get help on how to get to the next step in traffic?
I would NOT have chosen entrepreneurship for myself. But it’s helped me build a lot of new skills, and actively challenge my mindset. (Sounds very profound and ‘motivational’. It’s been hard, ugly, and scary)
I struggle with immense anxiety
Because it affects every part of my life, it means that I’m CONSTANTLY questioning whether I’m ‘good enough’ at something, whether someone is criticising me for something I’ve done, and worrying that I’m coming across as stupid, and incompetent. And I’m always scared that someone is going to challenge me and realise that I don’t know stuff (This is also part of Imposter Syndrome, but coupled with a Fixed Mindset, where your mental emphasis is ALWAYS on the ‘smart’ label, definitely intensifies this challenge).
That’s an enormous amount of mental energy that I expend on anxiety. Just imagine I had that mental energy to spare for other projects or people!?
If I’m not naturally talented, then it’s pointless
Like the artistic ability, I applied the same philosophy to everything I wasn’t instantly good at. Sports, hobbies, anything that requires ‘practice’. I was clearly not talented, otherwise I’d be good at it, right?
And if I wasn’t talented at it, then there really was no point in pursuing it. (ie: Avoid it like the plague because it makes me feel useless!).
I was always saying stuff like “I’m not sporty”, “I’m not creative”, “I’m not xxx”. Notice how they’re all labels. My inherent belief was that if I was born sporty, I’d be awesome at sports, love it instantly, and be picked for everything.
The result is important. The journey isn’t. Even hobbies.
The idea that a hobby is spending time DOING something that you find enjoyable, but might not be great at, is foreign to a Fixed’er. If I’m not great at playing a musical instrument, then why bother? Other people may say that they find the time therapeutic. The process, the time they spend, the small improvements etc. None of these compute in my head. If I’m not good at it, then I’ll leave it alone.
By now, you can see the ‘binary’ nature of this mindset. You either ARE something, or you’re NOT. There’s no inbetween. You do things that will have a good outcome, a good result, and you enjoy the fact that it’s good. Not the process. You need to get to the result / product as fast and smoothly as possible, because if it takes too long, or you struggle with it, then clearly you’re not good at it and should leave it alone.
All this has SEVERELY limited my experiences in life. I have actively shut out so many experiences and opportunities. How much smaller have I made my own world!?
What causes a Fixed Mindset?
(While this isn’t the only origin, I find it’s by FAR the most common, and definitely the one I come across the most when I coach people.)
People who did well at school fairly easily are the most at risk for a Fixed Mindset
The feedback we get instills our values
It’s a really simple equation. You get praised a lot for something, and you start believing that it’s clearly really important.
We’re learning to be careful about overly praising your girls for how cute they are, how pretty their dresses are, because if they hear that type of praise so often, they’ll grow up thinking that being pretty and cute is obviously really important.
The same applies to praising kids for getting great marks at school. If your child does well at school, it’s the most natural thing in the world to tell them “You must be so smart to get such good marks”, “Wow, you’re so smart” (Fixed)
Honestly, it’s only when kids don’t do so well at school, that parents and teachers ‘find’ other things to praise. “You really put a lot of effort in”, “You’ve really progressed and improved”, “You really stuck it out, that’s so great”. (Growth)
Can you see the difference in the praise? In the first, you’re giving a LABEL. You ARE smart, therefore you’re doing well. In the second, you’re praising what they DO. You are putting EFFORT in, and that’s praiseworthy.
The problem with praising ‘smartness’ this way, is that it creates this unsaid equation:
- “I got good marks because I’m smart”
- “If I don’t get good marks, then it must be because I’m not smart”
- “The marks count, not the effort”
- “If I’m really smart, then it’ll be easy”
- “Thus, if it’s not easy, then I’m obviously not smart”
- “Thus, effort is for stupid people”
- “Effort is a bad thing, because it shows you don’t have talent”
Can you spot the danger?! How did we not SEE this building!? It’s a really obvious connection between feedback and values!
My Fixed Mindset?
Yes, I fit the ‘classic’ definition.
I was an over-achiever at school
I worked hard, but I didn’t ‘struggle’. If I worked at something, I got great marks. Things came easily to me. I learnt quickly, remembered things easily and got really great marks. If I got less than 90% for anything, I was REALLY upset! The only subject I didn’t do fabulously in, was Physical Education!
My marks dropped in my degree
I studied correspondence, part time. I didn’t have the same time, classes or resources to study. My marks dropped quickly. I was DEVASTATED. Maybe I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was.
I failed a test in post-grad
I never failed anything until my first test in my post-grad degree. I was paralysed by this. I stopped studying for two months. I was utterly traumatised and had no idea what to do next.
The idea that I could pass something in the FUTURE, that I’d failed in the PAST, didn’t occur to me. I couldn’t see past the concept that I’d failed, I clearly didn’t know ANYTHING, and I was stupid. All of which I unconsciously felt couldn’t be fixed.
Forcing myself to write the next set of tests (even though I hadn’t studied), was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was a conscious determination that there MUST be a way past this. Only now do I understand that the biggest challenge was me fighting the binary nature of my mindset. (You can either pass something or you can’t.)
I avoided doing practice questions
This definitely sabotaged my own studying, and I see the same happening with SO many people I coach! I couldn’t see the connection at the time.
I was so terrified of failure, so desperate to keep the ‘smart’ label, that I couldn’t see the difference between failing something when I was studying, and failing in an exam. It all felt the same to me. So, I avoided practicing questions until I felt ‘ready’ to pass. (Bad idea!)
I passed and qualified
Yes, I passed everything, and I qualified as a Chartered Accountant. By sheer determination, stubbornness, and an immense amount of mental anxiety, tears, trauma and many, many, many hours of hard work, I succeeded at all of it.
What I realise now, though, is that I could’ve saved myself an enormous amount of mental anxiety and trauma if I’d learnt more about mindsets first. I lived in a constant state of performance anxiety, feeling stupid and insane stress that it was all going to fall apart and I was going to land up homeless on the streets.
Conclusion
This will be a lifelong challenge for me. I will always struggle with this. I am getting better at CHOOSING a different approach, but it’s by no means natural or easy.
If you’re a parent, teacher, mentor, role model, fellow student… ANYTHING
Please pay attention to the praise you give young children. Focus on effort over results, even if they do well.
If you relate…
Bookmark this site, I will probably be sharing quite a bit of this concept here, because it really impacts my life, and I want to share my journey with those it may help.
However you’re used to operating, you ALWAYS have the choice to do something different. That doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Simple doesn’t mean easy
P.S.: Yes, I draw now
Yes, I’ve started drawing. Progress is slow! I’m not great at it, but if I look for ‘how to’ topics on Google, and if I practice, and if I’m ok with continually erasing a line before I’m happy with it, it kinda looks a little like the thing that I’m drawing. (Sort of!)
2 Comments
Alvin Schuller
the unsaid equations under the sub-title The Feedback We Get Instills Our Values are thought-provoking, indeed… would you be okay if I shared some of this (if not all of it) with my students during the next semester?
yvonne
Hi Alvin!
With the greatest of pleasure. I’ve also started writing an ebook that I share with my students on some more of the impact of this on their studies, if you’re interested 🙂